On August 23, 2010, a terrible tragedy happened. An enraged former police officer took some innocent Hongkong Nationals and 3 Filipinos Hostage that resulted to a more than 10 hours standoff and ended bloodily with 9 dead bodies including the hostage taker, Former Senior Inspector Rolando Mendoza.
There was so many theories behind the failure of the rescue operations but one so obvious as the apparent lack of training and special weapons of the special task force and the police. Everybody is an expert that they should have done this and that and I know most of us were bitter because of the outcome.
Media was also blamed for allegedly not being responsible enough to delay they news broadcasting and giving Mendoza a mode of having "eyes" outside the bus and because of his rage at seeing his brother arrested, he started killing the hostages.
Because of this, many Chinese people had come to hate the Philippines, websites like "www.chinasmack.com" have expressed their disgrunt over our people as to how we handled things here. Who could blame them? They were just showing the love they had for their countrymen. We could have afforded them more respect. If it were the other way around, the Filipinos would have reacted the same way as a natural result of our sympathy to our own.
To make matters worst, there were pictures coming out that there were students and members of SOCO (scene of the crime operatives) that emerged and they apparently were treating the site if the bus where the hostage taking happened as a "tourist spot" which angered the Chinese more.
In behalf of my people I would like to apologize. Not all of the Filipino people condoned this event, we too had a lost. I'm not trying to make excuses but Filipino culture entails respect and we have that value called "hiya" which means shame on what we have done and we do feel ashamed for the mistakes of everyone involved in this event up until now. They're mistakes were not just their own but also ours as one people. We do hope the Chinese can forgive us and yes, we forgive you too, starting myself, for calling all of us "monkeys" for the hate you showed to us and how some Filipinos showed hate back to you. I'm sorry, we all are. We understand that you only said that because of your grief. When your anger is gone, we hope you realize that it is not right to judge us as a whole. Our country has already suffered a lot because of corruption that it is the Filipino people that are also victims here. We elected another president hoping he will change the course of our country's fate but we have yet to see the results. As for the smiles you saw on the pictures of the students and SOCO, all I can say is that it did not mean all of us has forgotten to respect the victims, some of us are also still grieving and praying for their souls.
We cannot start pointing fingers now because we need to be united if we ever want to make progress. To start, we must accept our own mistakes. HongKong and the Philippines has had a very close relationship and it would be a shame to have a feeling of awkwardness between the two countries and their citizens just because of one event. I hope and pray we can move forward. We can never take back the lives Mendoza took and no amount of words of apology could probably heal the families of the victims who lost a lot when they lost them. We can also not undo the mistakes of everyone involved but someday, we will do better that's the only thing we can do right now but promise to do better.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Mine..
"No one can possess a sunset like the one we saw that evening," he went on. "Just as no one can possess an afternoon of rain beating against the window, or the serenity of a sleeping child, or the magical moment when the waves break on the rocks. No one can possess the beautiful things of this Earth, but we can know them and love them. It is through such moments that God reveals himself to mankind."
"...that is what the forest taught me. That you will never be mine, and that is why I will never lose you. You were my hope during my days of loneliness, my anxiety during moments of doubt, my certainty during moments of faith."
"...I will always remember now that love is liberty..."
"...I will always remember you, and you will remember me, just as we will remember the evening, the rain on the windows, and all the things we'll always have because we cannot possess them..."
- BRIDA
Friday, August 27, 2010
"Pagbabago"
This is a true story. Goldilocks has been part of our family for years. In whatever occassion, my mom and dad would buy Goldilocks for us. This is a story that I want to share with you, Goldilocks and whoever is reading it and may you know how many lives you've touched through all these years.
In my head, I have an image of two fathers. No, it's not that I have two but rather I have one but I know him to be two different people. The first one is somebody from my earliest memories. Imagine a 6-year-old hating her own father when he was supposed to be the image of a young girl's security and hope.You see, my dad used to be an alcoholic, a wife beater, and a "barkadista". I remember he used to come home smelling like beer and my mom would help him puke. My mom would usher me and my sister to go to our room and we would readily comply. It was something normal in our day-to-day. My brother was still a baby then to remember. My mom would held him puke and afterwards he would spontaneously lose his temper and get into a fight with her.We couldn't see it but we could hear it. We could hear something heavy hit the cabinet annexed to our room's outside wall. My sister would hold my hand and we'd just cry in silence. We suspect he threw her again. He's already starting to hitting her. Their voices where not loud but we could hear the angry cries from my mom. I can't remember what they were fighting about though.
The next day we would just expect the bruises on my mom's milk white skin. She would try to hide them and give us that optimistic smile. I secretly wished for them to separate. I was just 6. Almost always, my dad would come home the next night from work bringing home a box of Goldilocks mamon. He knew it was our favorite and it was his way of trying to reconcile with us for what he did the night before. We'd share Goldilocks mamon together, as a family. He'd crack a joke, my mom would laugh but for sure she still felt the pain from the bruises he gave her. But that's my mom. She doesn't want to ever be bitter for us. We forgave him but the cycle went on. On my birthday, I only wanted one thing more than my presents: A box of Goldilocks mamon. I guess you could just say that I associated it to being happy, "To take away the bad things that happened before". I wanted my birthday to be perfect and imagine life was just perfect.
One day my dad lost his job. That was the most difficult time for all of us. He used to be very prominent in the company he was working at, a VP, but he lost his job with out a warning. Until now I'm not sure what happened, we never talk about it. This is where the second image of my dad comes in. I guess you could say he was humbled by what happened and because of that, he realized the value of his family and the wife he had taken for granted and abused for so long. On the day he lost his job, my dad brought home a box of Goldilocks mamon again. He didn't do anything wrong the night before so we were confused but still instinct told us there was something wrong. He called of us as one family to share dinner and he told us to pray. Of course I was probably 8 or 9 years old then, so I did what I was told with out questions. I just wanted to eat my lots Goldilocks mamon. I didn't notice if my mom knew about it but after we had a fill with dinner and enjoyed our yummy mamon dessert, Dad broke to us the news. He said that since it happened we would have to give up a lot of things. Magtitipid na daw kami. Gone will be the nights of expensive dinners, clothes, travel, club house and hotel swimmings. We were not going to be as well-off as before. He was confident he would find another job and my mom was also working so will get by, according to him.
It wasn't just those material things that were "sacrificed" because he lost his job. His "barkadista" days were over too. His rich friends had no time for him anymore and he doesn't have enough money to go with them in their expensive trips. But one thing he never sacrificed, it was his time for us his family. In fact, that time doubled. He entered into a religious organization and became a spiritual man. Also, though we can no longer afford expensive dinners, he could still afford to buy us a box or two of Goldilocks Mamon since it was cheap. This time buying it is no longer because he wanted to make up for something he did but because he just wanted to make us smile. Like how we shout "Yey! Goldilocks mamon again!" everytime he says, "I have something for you!" when he comes home. Eventually he found a job, though not as prominent as his job before, it was a better job for us because he was taken away from the bad influences or corporate life. He changed for the better.
A lot of things happened since then. My parents are more in-love and happier now. Yeah, "Away" here and there but still they are my model when in comes to love and marriage. I appreciate my Dad, for how he changed for us and my Mom as to her undying commitment to her family and husband, that she never gave up on him and he was worth it in the end. Life, I guess, is like that. In the 24 years I have had, I know your time with the people you love might not always be good and there would be a point in time that it might have gotten worst. But even if such is the case, Life goes on and will eventually introduce you to the sweetest things that are free that will make the bad things not matter anymore. Like my Dad, who he was doesn't matter now because what matters is how we are now. A whole family. I wish I could tell you more about how Goldilocks cakes and pastries has been part of every family celebration that we had but I think, if you're a Goldilocks lover too, you would know what I mean. I think the new Goldilocks look is good and it is to keep up with the times but the memories we've shared with Goldilocks on the background is something words cannot just describe. This blog is my way of showing my gratitude and love for the best in the world, second to my family. :P Thanks Goldilocks! Because life is just as sweet as you.:)
In my head, I have an image of two fathers. No, it's not that I have two but rather I have one but I know him to be two different people. The first one is somebody from my earliest memories. Imagine a 6-year-old hating her own father when he was supposed to be the image of a young girl's security and hope.You see, my dad used to be an alcoholic, a wife beater, and a "barkadista". I remember he used to come home smelling like beer and my mom would help him puke. My mom would usher me and my sister to go to our room and we would readily comply. It was something normal in our day-to-day. My brother was still a baby then to remember. My mom would held him puke and afterwards he would spontaneously lose his temper and get into a fight with her.We couldn't see it but we could hear it. We could hear something heavy hit the cabinet annexed to our room's outside wall. My sister would hold my hand and we'd just cry in silence. We suspect he threw her again. He's already starting to hitting her. Their voices where not loud but we could hear the angry cries from my mom. I can't remember what they were fighting about though.
The next day we would just expect the bruises on my mom's milk white skin. She would try to hide them and give us that optimistic smile. I secretly wished for them to separate. I was just 6. Almost always, my dad would come home the next night from work bringing home a box of Goldilocks mamon. He knew it was our favorite and it was his way of trying to reconcile with us for what he did the night before. We'd share Goldilocks mamon together, as a family. He'd crack a joke, my mom would laugh but for sure she still felt the pain from the bruises he gave her. But that's my mom. She doesn't want to ever be bitter for us. We forgave him but the cycle went on. On my birthday, I only wanted one thing more than my presents: A box of Goldilocks mamon. I guess you could just say that I associated it to being happy, "To take away the bad things that happened before". I wanted my birthday to be perfect and imagine life was just perfect.
One day my dad lost his job. That was the most difficult time for all of us. He used to be very prominent in the company he was working at, a VP, but he lost his job with out a warning. Until now I'm not sure what happened, we never talk about it. This is where the second image of my dad comes in. I guess you could say he was humbled by what happened and because of that, he realized the value of his family and the wife he had taken for granted and abused for so long. On the day he lost his job, my dad brought home a box of Goldilocks mamon again. He didn't do anything wrong the night before so we were confused but still instinct told us there was something wrong. He called of us as one family to share dinner and he told us to pray. Of course I was probably 8 or 9 years old then, so I did what I was told with out questions. I just wanted to eat my lots Goldilocks mamon. I didn't notice if my mom knew about it but after we had a fill with dinner and enjoyed our yummy mamon dessert, Dad broke to us the news. He said that since it happened we would have to give up a lot of things. Magtitipid na daw kami. Gone will be the nights of expensive dinners, clothes, travel, club house and hotel swimmings. We were not going to be as well-off as before. He was confident he would find another job and my mom was also working so will get by, according to him.
It wasn't just those material things that were "sacrificed" because he lost his job. His "barkadista" days were over too. His rich friends had no time for him anymore and he doesn't have enough money to go with them in their expensive trips. But one thing he never sacrificed, it was his time for us his family. In fact, that time doubled. He entered into a religious organization and became a spiritual man. Also, though we can no longer afford expensive dinners, he could still afford to buy us a box or two of Goldilocks Mamon since it was cheap. This time buying it is no longer because he wanted to make up for something he did but because he just wanted to make us smile. Like how we shout "Yey! Goldilocks mamon again!" everytime he says, "I have something for you!" when he comes home. Eventually he found a job, though not as prominent as his job before, it was a better job for us because he was taken away from the bad influences or corporate life. He changed for the better.
A lot of things happened since then. My parents are more in-love and happier now. Yeah, "Away" here and there but still they are my model when in comes to love and marriage. I appreciate my Dad, for how he changed for us and my Mom as to her undying commitment to her family and husband, that she never gave up on him and he was worth it in the end. Life, I guess, is like that. In the 24 years I have had, I know your time with the people you love might not always be good and there would be a point in time that it might have gotten worst. But even if such is the case, Life goes on and will eventually introduce you to the sweetest things that are free that will make the bad things not matter anymore. Like my Dad, who he was doesn't matter now because what matters is how we are now. A whole family. I wish I could tell you more about how Goldilocks cakes and pastries has been part of every family celebration that we had but I think, if you're a Goldilocks lover too, you would know what I mean. I think the new Goldilocks look is good and it is to keep up with the times but the memories we've shared with Goldilocks on the background is something words cannot just describe. This blog is my way of showing my gratitude and love for the best in the world, second to my family. :P Thanks Goldilocks! Because life is just as sweet as you.:)
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Things the kids today won't be able to experience...
I saw this article on the CNN website and I thought I would make my own version.
1) The Macarena/asereje/ochoocho dance craze- I know you danced it and still remember how to dance it.
2) Planet Pluto - We will be the last generation to remember Pluto the planet. Currently we only have 8 planets in our solar system. The higher ups decided that Pluto was too small to be a planet so he was ousted, evicted and abandoned. I heart you Pluto!
3) The Casette and Betamax - "Rewind" has lost it's meaning. Gone are the tapes and hello are the CDs. It started with VCD, DVD, mDVD, CDRw, CDr. To those who still have radios and "karaokes" or appliance that still play them, keep them, they might be antiques someday.
4) Bubble Gang- At a time when the jokes they had on the show were actually funny. Joke which did not involve sex, couples in bed, a tantruming child and sexy women. Remember the "What if.."-'s jokes? I remember to always laugh out loud to them. Now, that was real comedy. Either that or my humor
5) Non-aircon Taxi - "HUH?" Yep folks, there were such things as non-aircon taxis. I heard they are still present somewhere out there, in some islands of the PI.
6) Boy Bands and Girl Bands - Most kids today will probably cringe at the idea like how we cringe at The beatles but you have to admit, for a time, groups like Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls, NSYNC, Hanson, etc. were the biggest IT things for a time before the Pussycat Girls.
7) Encyclopedia - I know you still have yours. When was the last time you opened it instead of going to WIKIPEDIA? hahaha aminin!!!
8) Brick Game - Before the PSP, Before the playstation, before there was even game boy, before family computer, there was brick game. The game that has it's own illness. The brick game syndrome. They don't sell these anymore.
9) USC No uniforms - The oldest university of the Philippines is now downgrading to highschool level. Uniforms for everyone with matching haircut. Whatever happened to college?
10) Telegram/airmail - Remember when we had to pay per letter? Remember when the mail meant love letters or letters from people from the province that you know to ask "kamusta ka na?" and not BILLS BILLS and more BILLS.
11) BEEPERS- Before text messaging there was the good old reliable beeper. We had to call a landline number to send a "text" a message for the owner of the beeper. Do you still have yours?
12) Drop Call - A call less than 6 seconds long is FREE. Yes folks, for a time that was possible. Until they fixed the glitch.:P
13) Analog Cellphones and Earlier Phones and phone brands - Cellphones that looked like remote controls with no SIM cards. It seems like ancient history ago. Who could forget 5110, 3210, 3310 or the 10s version of Nokia. BOSCH and SENDO and ALCATEL. When Sony Ericson was just Ericson. That was the time when you can actually say you know all the units of Nokia but now we just keep finding new models so it's impossible to keep track. Remember the time when you had them change the back light, keypads, acetates, colorful casings and chargers.?Lol
14) Morning cartoons or education TV- Batibot, Sesame Street, G.I. Joe, Sara, Sedi, Peterpan. They usually aired at around 9am. I used to watch them all the time and go back to sleep. hahaha Before anime and before Teletubbies or Barny. Cartoons and edTV used to make sense :D
15) Classic Advertisements - Adz like Tender Juicy's "Dear Diary" (I still memorize this! hahaha) and Tony Gonzaga's "I love you PIOLO!" Sprite commercial. They are still etched in our minds right now for setting the trend.:)
16)AUTOGRAPH NOTEBOOK- lol! kids these days will never experience or know that before friendster,facebook, multiply or twitter, We did it the old school way. :D We had to sign "by hand" autograph notebooks our personal information, quotes, likes and dislikes. etc..:P
17) Y2k- back then we were afraid of the year 2000 not 2012:P
18) Mercury thermometers-due to health risks, theses babies were outlawed and replaced with digital thermometers.
Well I can't think of all right now. How about comment below and let me know your ideas. hahahaha :D
1) The Macarena/asereje/ochoocho dance craze- I know you danced it and still remember how to dance it.
2) Planet Pluto - We will be the last generation to remember Pluto the planet. Currently we only have 8 planets in our solar system. The higher ups decided that Pluto was too small to be a planet so he was ousted, evicted and abandoned. I heart you Pluto!
3) The Casette and Betamax - "Rewind" has lost it's meaning. Gone are the tapes and hello are the CDs. It started with VCD, DVD, mDVD, CDRw, CDr. To those who still have radios and "karaokes" or appliance that still play them, keep them, they might be antiques someday.
4) Bubble Gang- At a time when the jokes they had on the show were actually funny. Joke which did not involve sex, couples in bed, a tantruming child and sexy women. Remember the "What if.."-'s jokes? I remember to always laugh out loud to them. Now, that was real comedy. Either that or my humor
5) Non-aircon Taxi - "HUH?" Yep folks, there were such things as non-aircon taxis. I heard they are still present somewhere out there, in some islands of the PI.
6) Boy Bands and Girl Bands - Most kids today will probably cringe at the idea like how we cringe at The beatles but you have to admit, for a time, groups like Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls, NSYNC, Hanson, etc. were the biggest IT things for a time before the Pussycat Girls.
7) Encyclopedia - I know you still have yours. When was the last time you opened it instead of going to WIKIPEDIA? hahaha aminin!!!
8) Brick Game - Before the PSP, Before the playstation, before there was even game boy, before family computer, there was brick game. The game that has it's own illness. The brick game syndrome. They don't sell these anymore.
9) USC No uniforms - The oldest university of the Philippines is now downgrading to highschool level. Uniforms for everyone with matching haircut. Whatever happened to college?
10) Telegram/airmail - Remember when we had to pay per letter? Remember when the mail meant love letters or letters from people from the province that you know to ask "kamusta ka na?" and not BILLS BILLS and more BILLS.
11) BEEPERS- Before text messaging there was the good old reliable beeper. We had to call a landline number to send a "text" a message for the owner of the beeper. Do you still have yours?
12) Drop Call - A call less than 6 seconds long is FREE. Yes folks, for a time that was possible. Until they fixed the glitch.:P
13) Analog Cellphones and Earlier Phones and phone brands - Cellphones that looked like remote controls with no SIM cards. It seems like ancient history ago. Who could forget 5110, 3210, 3310 or the 10s version of Nokia. BOSCH and SENDO and ALCATEL. When Sony Ericson was just Ericson. That was the time when you can actually say you know all the units of Nokia but now we just keep finding new models so it's impossible to keep track. Remember the time when you had them change the back light, keypads, acetates, colorful casings and chargers.?Lol
14) Morning cartoons or education TV- Batibot, Sesame Street, G.I. Joe, Sara, Sedi, Peterpan. They usually aired at around 9am. I used to watch them all the time and go back to sleep. hahaha Before anime and before Teletubbies or Barny. Cartoons and edTV used to make sense :D
15) Classic Advertisements - Adz like Tender Juicy's "Dear Diary" (I still memorize this! hahaha) and Tony Gonzaga's "I love you PIOLO!" Sprite commercial. They are still etched in our minds right now for setting the trend.:)
16)AUTOGRAPH NOTEBOOK- lol! kids these days will never experience or know that before friendster,facebook, multiply or twitter, We did it the old school way. :D We had to sign "by hand" autograph notebooks our personal information, quotes, likes and dislikes. etc..:P
17) Y2k- back then we were afraid of the year 2000 not 2012:P
18) Mercury thermometers-due to health risks, theses babies were outlawed and replaced with digital thermometers.
Well I can't think of all right now. How about comment below and let me know your ideas. hahahaha :D
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Nagpagawas sa gibati...
Ninduta diay sa feeling tarung na lake ang uyab, murespeto sako pamilya og iya pamilya ganahan pud nako and he has good friends pud nga wa jud libug ug dili mga plastic. Karun pajud ko ani nga feeling nga secure ayu ko, di ko murag naggukod sa lake. I thought I knew what relationships should be but I was wrong. Labay rajud tong sauna. It was all a lie. I thought it was love, I thought it was true love. Pero it was possessive and it was poisonous. It destroyed who I was. What I did, thought and felt all became centered to him. I wasn't me. I hoped it was the same for him but I wasn't even special and I was just one of the "girlfriends", the name after his name. Dakung sayup nganu nisud ko atu in the first place. Ako nlang ta siya gipaminyu atung bayhana to. Aside from nakasala pako, wa pajud ko gipasaylu sa iya mga friends nga plastic. Ang uban pataka pag ingon di sila kita sa ako sacrfices para atu niya. Gikulata pako gikwartahan pako! I feel so angry at myself for allowing him to do that to me. What happy memories? They were all just lies. An illusion. His sick idea of a joke and playing with a 20-year-old girl's heart that last longer than it should. He even forgot when nako gihatag ang iring, tore everything, forgot everything and he just replaced me just like that despite the fact nga ako pinakadugay sa tanan niya uyab. Never even gave me the last minute respect I asked. I just wanted to be left alone to leave as if naa pako pride. Pero No, they wouldn't let me have my peace. They just had to make sure the joke was on me, up until the very end. Di jud diay ka makatell who a person really is even if you've been together for more than 2 years. He had me at my best. Mao karun ako uyab karun ang nagsuffer, usahay awayun nako kay mahadluk nako daghan ayu ko inhibitions because of the scars he left. He got me at my worst but I'm so overwhelmed with gratefulness to my boyfriend run coz before mi nagkauyab og even now uyab na mi, He waited. He waited until mahealed nako. Despite how I pushed him away and hurt him so much, he stayed. Makaingon jud ko ako pinakaswerte nga babay sa kalibutan..Why did I deserve him? What have I done right to the world to deserve Laurence? God loves me jud. He took the WORST AND gave me the BEST of them....kana gane feeling nga feel nimo guba na imo kalibutan sauna kay murag gihatag pajud nimo ang pinakabati sa tanang bati nga lake, the type gipakita ka og nindut pero ang resulta kay di ra diay to tinuod. labay ra diay to giabusar paka. The feeling you loved so hard to be frustrated that it just felt like bottomless pit of hell only to find out that tinuod jud diay nang "God has something better in store for you." Maghilak ko maghunahuna.. Thankful ayu ko kay gipalangga jud ko sa Ginoo he gave me the greatest blessing. He gave me, True Love and I should forgive myself now apparently God has forgiven me for abusing my heart and body by giving me the man I will marry. This is it. Siya na. I know in my heart di nako mangita og lain pa. Now, All my emotions, Ako na gipagawas. Undang nako! I'm tired of living in the past. I want to move on with God's blessing and be happy and so that is what I will do. Whatever, kinsa mubasa ani wa nako pakialam. Baon na mu sa limot. Goodbye!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Short Story: Remember me...
This is a short story I made, dedicated to a good friend who passed away at a young age. If he could talk, if he could tell us now what he thought, he might have said this:
Where am I? I can't feel anything. I'm trying to familiarize this place through my senses but I can't see, hear, and feel a thing. I can't even smell anything, is my chest even moving? I'm not even breathing. Everything is so unreal. I don't know what happened. I'm scared. It feels like a very long way from home. I don't know the way back. I remember going to the beach with my friends. Though we were bummed out at first because I recklessly took the wrong turn and we got lost earlier, every one seemed to be having a great time afterwards. Jonathan, my best bud was making one of his corny jokes, he usually does things like that to mask away his frustration. We've known eachother since we were 5 years old. We went to the same highschool and college. I guess you could say, we've connected in more ways than one. He was trying to impress this girl in the group, Tanya. I don't really know her, she just broke up with her boyfriend so I guess that's the reason why she's being oblivious to Jonathan's moves on her. I was trying to tease them but Jonathan gave my a light punch on the groin. We usually kid like that. I remember looking at each of the faces of my friends. There was Laurence, he's a DJ. He's the type of guy who would give up a very-high paying salary to do the job he loves and he's Jonathan's usual laugh trip companion. They both share the same humor. Beside him was Maggie, his girlfriend. Me and Laurence have had this strange relationship since they became a couple and the reason was obvious. I used to love Maggie but because of one way or the other, she found her way into his arms. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them and Laurence is being a sport about it too. It might get some time before the awkward feeling will lift between us three. Charlisse was sitting beside me and I was holding her hand. We've been dating since March. She's beautiful with a slender body. I couldn't quite say I loved her. I just enjoyed her company, she knew how to have a good time. We laughed and ate as if there was no tomorrow. I remember eating a lot of "lechon" and I remember taking a stroll at the beach with Charlisse enjoying the view of the horizon. We enjoyed the picnic but sadly, then it was getting late. Too late...We decided to head home. As we were packing our stuffs, that's when we heard it. A scream of a woman. Me and Jonathan went to check it out and ran towards her. She was pointing at the waters, "Save her! Save her!" A little girl was in the water, frantically trying to stay afloat. She was probably 9 or 10 years old. I had the most experience, so I was confident. I was a swimmer back in college and I worked part-time as a lifeguard aside from working for my mom's native goods business. I wanted to save up for a new laptop. I wish I was at least able to buy that. Without a second thought, I dove into the cold beach waters and swam towards the girl. I think Jonathan followed me, but I didn't look back. I had to save the little girl. Everything was so fast. I saw the ocean, the white foam I was making from all my strokes. I was still hearing the screams of the woman on the shore, pleading, but it was getting weaker as I swam far from her to the little girl. I remember reaching there grabbing her hand trying to stop her from struggling. I looked back, Jonathan did follow me, as I gave her to him to take her back to shore. I was swimming to get back back when I felt a sharp pain on my leg. I couldn't move it. Cramps? Me? I never got one in all my years of training in swimming. I used to swim three times a week. My weight was pulling me down. I tried to swim up but the pain was too much. I managed to break from the surface to scream for Jonathan's help. Anybody's help. But they were all crowding at the sight of the little girl being carried by Jonathan on the shore. No one noticed me struggling on my own. Fighting the ocean to save my life. My body gave way. My energy was running out. I let out my last breath of air and let the water enter my lungs. I felt a heavy pain on my chest and everything was pitch black.
I wish I could go back. There were a lot of things I wanted to do. My mom, who will take care of her if I'm gone? I was the eldest in our family and my Dad left us for another woman when I was 12. My sisters were still 10 and 8 years old. I'm sorry mom. I had to leave, it wasn't my choice. The last 24 hours of my life was nothing special. I always thought, you would experience signs. A warning would have been nice. That morning, I fought with my mom for a stupid thing as cleaning the car. I hated doing that but mom always makes me. If I were given a chance, I would clean the car everyday, if I could only go back. As for my Dad, I was no longer mad at him. I forgave him a long time ago. I knew he regretting doing what he did but my mom would not accept him anymore. I remember afterwards picking up Charlisse. I was still pissed off but somehow seeing her face, made my mood lighter. Before meeting our friends, we went to a nearby hotel and I made love with her. Love? I never used to say that word. Did I love Charlisse? I thought I would never fall inlove that easily but I guess loving her was easy. She had a great personality and she got along with my friends. I wasn't able to introduce her to my mom yet because I think it was too soon. If only I can hold her hand again. If only I could tell her, I did love her. I would introduce her to my mom, to my sisters, Becky and Ina. Who's that crying? It's so loud. It's a guy. Jonathan? Whoa, he cries like a girl. I haven't seen him cry so hard for anything. Was it because of me? Because I'm gone? Jonathan, you're such a sissy. We're always bad boys for life bro! I'll be waiting for you at the other side. Facebook? Oh yeah. My last status was "All that we are is what we thought" Sheeze if I had known that was my last status update, I would have put on something wiser. Sorry everyone. I think I'll be going ahead. Thank you for sharing my last moments with me. Please move on. You're all in my heart. If I could say to you just one thing right now, I love you.
Where am I? I can't feel anything. I'm trying to familiarize this place through my senses but I can't see, hear, and feel a thing. I can't even smell anything, is my chest even moving? I'm not even breathing. Everything is so unreal. I don't know what happened. I'm scared. It feels like a very long way from home. I don't know the way back. I remember going to the beach with my friends. Though we were bummed out at first because I recklessly took the wrong turn and we got lost earlier, every one seemed to be having a great time afterwards. Jonathan, my best bud was making one of his corny jokes, he usually does things like that to mask away his frustration. We've known eachother since we were 5 years old. We went to the same highschool and college. I guess you could say, we've connected in more ways than one. He was trying to impress this girl in the group, Tanya. I don't really know her, she just broke up with her boyfriend so I guess that's the reason why she's being oblivious to Jonathan's moves on her. I was trying to tease them but Jonathan gave my a light punch on the groin. We usually kid like that. I remember looking at each of the faces of my friends. There was Laurence, he's a DJ. He's the type of guy who would give up a very-high paying salary to do the job he loves and he's Jonathan's usual laugh trip companion. They both share the same humor. Beside him was Maggie, his girlfriend. Me and Laurence have had this strange relationship since they became a couple and the reason was obvious. I used to love Maggie but because of one way or the other, she found her way into his arms. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them and Laurence is being a sport about it too. It might get some time before the awkward feeling will lift between us three. Charlisse was sitting beside me and I was holding her hand. We've been dating since March. She's beautiful with a slender body. I couldn't quite say I loved her. I just enjoyed her company, she knew how to have a good time. We laughed and ate as if there was no tomorrow. I remember eating a lot of "lechon" and I remember taking a stroll at the beach with Charlisse enjoying the view of the horizon. We enjoyed the picnic but sadly, then it was getting late. Too late...We decided to head home. As we were packing our stuffs, that's when we heard it. A scream of a woman. Me and Jonathan went to check it out and ran towards her. She was pointing at the waters, "Save her! Save her!" A little girl was in the water, frantically trying to stay afloat. She was probably 9 or 10 years old. I had the most experience, so I was confident. I was a swimmer back in college and I worked part-time as a lifeguard aside from working for my mom's native goods business. I wanted to save up for a new laptop. I wish I was at least able to buy that. Without a second thought, I dove into the cold beach waters and swam towards the girl. I think Jonathan followed me, but I didn't look back. I had to save the little girl. Everything was so fast. I saw the ocean, the white foam I was making from all my strokes. I was still hearing the screams of the woman on the shore, pleading, but it was getting weaker as I swam far from her to the little girl. I remember reaching there grabbing her hand trying to stop her from struggling. I looked back, Jonathan did follow me, as I gave her to him to take her back to shore. I was swimming to get back back when I felt a sharp pain on my leg. I couldn't move it. Cramps? Me? I never got one in all my years of training in swimming. I used to swim three times a week. My weight was pulling me down. I tried to swim up but the pain was too much. I managed to break from the surface to scream for Jonathan's help. Anybody's help. But they were all crowding at the sight of the little girl being carried by Jonathan on the shore. No one noticed me struggling on my own. Fighting the ocean to save my life. My body gave way. My energy was running out. I let out my last breath of air and let the water enter my lungs. I felt a heavy pain on my chest and everything was pitch black.
I wish I could go back. There were a lot of things I wanted to do. My mom, who will take care of her if I'm gone? I was the eldest in our family and my Dad left us for another woman when I was 12. My sisters were still 10 and 8 years old. I'm sorry mom. I had to leave, it wasn't my choice. The last 24 hours of my life was nothing special. I always thought, you would experience signs. A warning would have been nice. That morning, I fought with my mom for a stupid thing as cleaning the car. I hated doing that but mom always makes me. If I were given a chance, I would clean the car everyday, if I could only go back. As for my Dad, I was no longer mad at him. I forgave him a long time ago. I knew he regretting doing what he did but my mom would not accept him anymore. I remember afterwards picking up Charlisse. I was still pissed off but somehow seeing her face, made my mood lighter. Before meeting our friends, we went to a nearby hotel and I made love with her. Love? I never used to say that word. Did I love Charlisse? I thought I would never fall inlove that easily but I guess loving her was easy. She had a great personality and she got along with my friends. I wasn't able to introduce her to my mom yet because I think it was too soon. If only I can hold her hand again. If only I could tell her, I did love her. I would introduce her to my mom, to my sisters, Becky and Ina. Who's that crying? It's so loud. It's a guy. Jonathan? Whoa, he cries like a girl. I haven't seen him cry so hard for anything. Was it because of me? Because I'm gone? Jonathan, you're such a sissy. We're always bad boys for life bro! I'll be waiting for you at the other side. Facebook? Oh yeah. My last status was "All that we are is what we thought" Sheeze if I had known that was my last status update, I would have put on something wiser. Sorry everyone. I think I'll be going ahead. Thank you for sharing my last moments with me. Please move on. You're all in my heart. If I could say to you just one thing right now, I love you.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Love or Lust?
Image by roberthuffstutter via FlickrWhen asked about this, surprisingly some admitted to rather be horny than lonely. A temporary high in pretended to be lovers is a good way to solve the loneliness but does it really mask everything? Can anybody be truly happy with just lust? Some would even joke that they would rather have love because lust will come after naturally. Seriously, I admit having a fling is interesting. It's new and adventurous as compared to a commitment. It has a mix of uncertainty and drama that keeps you hanging and wondering. You fall in love with the idea of being inlove. If you don't know how to distinguish then you will certainly lose to the feeling and if your partner does not have the same mindset then be prepared to lose "your arrangement".
But when all else fails, what remains? Would it be love and lust? I think we all know the answer to that. Compared to a common fling, or a person who's more then a friend, like a lover but less than a commitment, a real commitment is forever, you tie your lives together, the promises come in and you blanket yourself with security. I know not all commitments last, God knows I know that now but still it's better than none. It's better to have loved and then lost than to have not loved at all and never lost anything because you never gained anything.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Prince Charming's reply to the letter...(refer to previous post)
Dear You,
I am delighted to finally hear from you! Your sentiments warm my heart and your hopefulness spurs in me a renewed vigilance for our fateful meeting. That day will surely be magical. But maybe we did not receive the same memo? While I am pleased to see that you've been studious at watching your Romantic Comedies, your letter baffles me. You see, I embrace your eccentricities. It's cute and will give you personality for the first month of our relationship (or first half of the movie). I will get used to having my collar fixed and my T-shirts stolen. But surely you expect more than this from me, your prince charming! After all, I am ready to listen to your opinions and to share in your passions. (I'm not talking about likes and dislikes teenagers talk about.) Which issues do you find compelling? Do you agree with Aristotle when he said some men are more fit to rule over others, and the naturalness of slavery? Are you fascinated by design, art, music, philosophy, poetry, business, engineering or economics? I want to know what drives you. Taking long walks on the beach under the stars is okay. Going on chocolate runs during rainy days is okay. They make for nice 4 minute scenes which establish how charming, sweet and blissful our life is, especially with "All My Life" playing in the background. What actually excites me though is organizing a beach cleanup with you because you worry about the environment or opening our own hot chocolate cafe because you are a passionate chocolatier/barrista dedicated to making the perfect blend! Giving space is good! but it's not just for me, it's for both of us. More than playing video games or watching TV, I will develop my body and my mind, keeping fit, learning new things and deepening my appreciation of other people and of life. I will accept you but I expect you to grow, evolve and to have your own sense of purpose. More importantly, I regret to inform you that we will not be able to go on epic adventures around the world. Our pre-schooler's school, the one with mini-plays where he acts as a talking pumpkin or little drummer boy, isn't cheap. Our first dog, which I insist on naming Sparky, has veterinarian bills that need to be paid. So maybe after thirty years, after our son and our daughter,have both gone to college and taken their international MBAs or MFAs and I can quit my job, after Sparky the dog has been replaced by Sparky the turtle, after we've set aside money for our retirement, after we've moved to Canada for the excellent health-care coverage, if you're still up for it, then we can travel the world. Having said this, waking up to my smile might be problematic. I make it a point to sleep early so I can wake up early, clean the house and cook a healthy breakfast for the kids before bringing them to school and heading off to work. My barkada is responsible and they understand how demanding life can be so there's no need to worry about barkada nights either. It sounds like a lot of work doesn't it? And not the kind of conflict you can resolve in a two hour movie. Of course, as Prince Charming, I could just leech off my father's fortune. We wouldn't have to squander our youth building our careers and saving for our children's education. But is that really the kind of man you want me to be? Spending his father's hard earned money? I would rather earn it and prove my worth to you. I assure you our life will have moments of romance and comedy, but more than anything, it will be characterized by commitment, discipline, discernment and maturity. Lastly, I want you to know that I do exist. But I am not waiting for you. I want to find you but right now, I am still finding myself. After my journey of self-mastery I will find you. I urge you to make sense of the world on your own for now so that we can swap stories afterwards, learn from each other and teach our children that life is much much bigger than a montage of kilig moments in your latest romantic comedy.
Love always,
Your Prince Charming.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Repost: My daughter’s letter to the man she will love someday
As a woman, you spend hours pondering—alone or with your girl friends—the intricacies of the human heart. You always hope and pray that the next generation will get it better than you did.
Below is a letter I found in my daughter’s website (I have her permission to share this). She wrote it to “the man I will someday love.”
I was expecting to read a gushing, romantic, idealistic tome. I was humbled instead by her sentiments. It’s filled with sensible expectations.
I pray that this will make every girl believe that hope does spring eternal, and even if your heart has been broken a few times, you can always put the pieces back together, and make it right the next time around.
Take your time. Don’t rush and don’t just “settle.” If it’s part of His plan, God’s best awaits you out there.
Letter
Dear You,
I will admit that sometimes I really do wonder if you exist.
There is a part of every little girl’s heart that envisions her prince charming. At age three, it is usually of a man who can save her from the wrath of an evil stepmother, wake her from eternal slumber or give her that true love’s kiss.
In elementary school, he becomes the boy with the least cooties, the one who’s willing to cross the playground to share his Oreos even if it makes him a target for the week of all the other boys.
Come high school, it’s that boy you stand with at prom, who your father stared down at the door, who provided you with an experience complete with photos you will cringe at a decade later, a corsage that yellows in the refrigerator, and a faded memory of a night that seemed almost too magical to be real.
Nineteen years into this life, however, and still unwilling to give my heart away, I am still that same little girl who hopes for her prince charming. And although I wonder why it has taken you this long to sweep me off my feet and whisk me off to your palace on horseback, I know that it is probably because meeting you will be better than any fairytale I could’ve read as a kid.
A couple of heartbreaks and a few years wiser though, I will admit that there are times when I question your existence. Because I have yet to meet the guy who makes me hear songs like “All My Life” or “A Whole New World” in my head when I see him does not mean I don’t hope that it’ll ever happen.
I may already know you or may still meet you someday—something I leave completely up to God because I’m pretty sure our story will be epic.
However, I can’t promise you that I’d make the world’s most perfect princess. In fact I’ll probably keep you on your toes and amuse you with my eccentricities—there are a lot of them. I’ll probably steal a bunch of your T-shirts and turn them into shirt dresses, or drive you slightly mad with my obsessive compulsivity and my need to fix your collar constantly.
I can promise to be your best friend however—that person you can rant to after a rough day, the hand you can hold when you get sad, or the person you can text when situations get awkward.
I’ll probably mess up your hair sometimes and hug you for too long, but that’ll only be because I absolutely adore you. I’ll bury my head in your shoulder during scary movies and make you feel like superman when you kill those flying cockroaches that really shouldn’t exist. I’ll cook your favorite food on your birthday and try my best to make friends with your mom.
I’ll respect your nights-out with the boys and make you seem like the perfect guy to my barkada. I’ll watch basketball or soccer games with you, and not complain when you cheer too loudly at the TV set.
I’ll know the difference between giving you space and being constantly there for you—even if it means sitting and playing video games with you or taking hot chocolate runs when it rains.
I’ll listen to your music and we’ll go on epic adventures together—seeing the world, taking awesome pictures, eating awesome food, and never running out of things to tell each other along the way.
I won’t be waiting for you to sweep me off my feet and take me on a magic carpet ride, because I know I won’t need anything like that to fall for you—I will love you for you.
You will be that someone to make goofy faces with in pictures, to lace fingers with when I’m lonely, and to take long walks under the stars with on the beach.
You’ll be the guy who takes me the way I am—and will laugh as I burst into Disney song or pick out pink wallpaper.
You’ll be that someone I envision a future with—us filling out visa forms as we travel the universe, picking out our first dog together and arguing about what to name it, or being snap-happy stage parents in our preschooler’s annual mini-plays. And I keep hoping that maybe someday when we find each other, you will become that someone whose smile I wake up to in the morning and the last one I speak to every night.
So to the man I know does exist, and who will help me maybe make sense of the world someday, this man I can’t wait to love. Please know that I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. But for now, I wait. Fingers crossed and palms held together, I hope that you’re out there somewhere, waiting for me, too.
With the hope I will be yours for always,
Me
by cathybabao@yahoo.com
Source: Inquirer
Below is a letter I found in my daughter’s website (I have her permission to share this). She wrote it to “the man I will someday love.”
I was expecting to read a gushing, romantic, idealistic tome. I was humbled instead by her sentiments. It’s filled with sensible expectations.
I pray that this will make every girl believe that hope does spring eternal, and even if your heart has been broken a few times, you can always put the pieces back together, and make it right the next time around.
Take your time. Don’t rush and don’t just “settle.” If it’s part of His plan, God’s best awaits you out there.
Letter
Dear You,
I will admit that sometimes I really do wonder if you exist.
There is a part of every little girl’s heart that envisions her prince charming. At age three, it is usually of a man who can save her from the wrath of an evil stepmother, wake her from eternal slumber or give her that true love’s kiss.
In elementary school, he becomes the boy with the least cooties, the one who’s willing to cross the playground to share his Oreos even if it makes him a target for the week of all the other boys.
Come high school, it’s that boy you stand with at prom, who your father stared down at the door, who provided you with an experience complete with photos you will cringe at a decade later, a corsage that yellows in the refrigerator, and a faded memory of a night that seemed almost too magical to be real.
Nineteen years into this life, however, and still unwilling to give my heart away, I am still that same little girl who hopes for her prince charming. And although I wonder why it has taken you this long to sweep me off my feet and whisk me off to your palace on horseback, I know that it is probably because meeting you will be better than any fairytale I could’ve read as a kid.
A couple of heartbreaks and a few years wiser though, I will admit that there are times when I question your existence. Because I have yet to meet the guy who makes me hear songs like “All My Life” or “A Whole New World” in my head when I see him does not mean I don’t hope that it’ll ever happen.
I may already know you or may still meet you someday—something I leave completely up to God because I’m pretty sure our story will be epic.
However, I can’t promise you that I’d make the world’s most perfect princess. In fact I’ll probably keep you on your toes and amuse you with my eccentricities—there are a lot of them. I’ll probably steal a bunch of your T-shirts and turn them into shirt dresses, or drive you slightly mad with my obsessive compulsivity and my need to fix your collar constantly.
I can promise to be your best friend however—that person you can rant to after a rough day, the hand you can hold when you get sad, or the person you can text when situations get awkward.
I’ll probably mess up your hair sometimes and hug you for too long, but that’ll only be because I absolutely adore you. I’ll bury my head in your shoulder during scary movies and make you feel like superman when you kill those flying cockroaches that really shouldn’t exist. I’ll cook your favorite food on your birthday and try my best to make friends with your mom.
I’ll respect your nights-out with the boys and make you seem like the perfect guy to my barkada. I’ll watch basketball or soccer games with you, and not complain when you cheer too loudly at the TV set.
I’ll know the difference between giving you space and being constantly there for you—even if it means sitting and playing video games with you or taking hot chocolate runs when it rains.
I’ll listen to your music and we’ll go on epic adventures together—seeing the world, taking awesome pictures, eating awesome food, and never running out of things to tell each other along the way.
I won’t be waiting for you to sweep me off my feet and take me on a magic carpet ride, because I know I won’t need anything like that to fall for you—I will love you for you.
You will be that someone to make goofy faces with in pictures, to lace fingers with when I’m lonely, and to take long walks under the stars with on the beach.
You’ll be the guy who takes me the way I am—and will laugh as I burst into Disney song or pick out pink wallpaper.
You’ll be that someone I envision a future with—us filling out visa forms as we travel the universe, picking out our first dog together and arguing about what to name it, or being snap-happy stage parents in our preschooler’s annual mini-plays. And I keep hoping that maybe someday when we find each other, you will become that someone whose smile I wake up to in the morning and the last one I speak to every night.
So to the man I know does exist, and who will help me maybe make sense of the world someday, this man I can’t wait to love. Please know that I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. But for now, I wait. Fingers crossed and palms held together, I hope that you’re out there somewhere, waiting for me, too.
With the hope I will be yours for always,
Me
by cathybabao@yahoo.com
Source: Inquirer
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Would you rather be the dumper or the dumpee?
I have some time to spare before hitting the sack. This post is not about giving advice, it's just about your preference and reasons why some people choose them.
In relationships which are at the twilight of their existence, you are either the dumper or dumpee. Dumper, meaning you are the one who suggested or initiated the break up, "The one who left" or Dumpee, meaning you are the one who consented or "the one who was left". In my experience, being either of the two is never a pleasant experience. Being the Dumper, you have to deal with the reaction of the other, the guilt-trip and the regret later on. Being the dumpee, you have to deal with the rejection, bruised ego and the after-break up stress. Aside, from the usual "Alcohol-induced coma" that some (ehem) often self-inflict after a break-up, post break-ups are always nasty and it usually takes months to recover. They involve a lot of issues and a lot of head ache (usually caused by a hang over lol). Kidding aside, people have their own way of coping, it doesn't matter if you were the dumper or dumpee. You undergo a lot of self-searching and adjustments in that period of time after just getting out of one and the duration usually depends on the length of your former relationship especially if you were in a very long relationship that lasted for years.
Of course, speaking of post-break up eras, people cope depending on the reason they broke up. If there was a third party involved, then you would certainly be dealing with more issues which are more on your level of security with yourself if you were the dumpee. Questions like, "What's wrong with me? What was my fault? Why did he/she replace me? Am I ugly? Am I fat? Was I not good enough?" keep coming back in your head. For the Dumper side who has found someone else, don't expect them to be hung up over you. They have moved on and so should you. That's the reason why they chose someone else in the first place. Of course, I'm not saying there is no adjustments on the Dumper's side. Dumpers who chose another over their current relationship usually deal with a different type of adjustment. You were with another one day and another on the next. Of course, you tend to compare both at some point. Even risk that you will notice and regret that the former was better than the next. Either way, it was the choice that Dumpers are entitled to considering that relationships are about mutual agreement.
I know some people who would rather choose to be the one who will get hurt than the one who hurts another and usually they would do things to induce the other person to break up with them. They justify it as "it's awful enough that I fell out of love, I can't bear hurting her/him in the process." I think it's wrong though. If you are in a relationship with someone, be honest with them. They deserve it because they have been with you for so long and it would hurt more if you take it slow with them. Like that song that goes:
Anyway, if you ask me, I fight for the relationship until the end. I'm the martyr type of girl and as much as I would like to be the DUMPER, I usually end up being the DUMPEE. I think it's better for me to really get over that person if I know he had the guts to hurt me that much. Of course, I'm the type to give second chances but second chances are one too many so if they hurt me again, I think it's bye-bye time. For one thing, I know my worth but I also know relationships are worth fighting for if you still love that person. I would go through heaven and hell for someone I love and I have done so and will keep doing it again since I guess I never learn. :)
In relationships which are at the twilight of their existence, you are either the dumper or dumpee. Dumper, meaning you are the one who suggested or initiated the break up, "The one who left" or Dumpee, meaning you are the one who consented or "the one who was left". In my experience, being either of the two is never a pleasant experience. Being the Dumper, you have to deal with the reaction of the other, the guilt-trip and the regret later on. Being the dumpee, you have to deal with the rejection, bruised ego and the after-break up stress. Aside, from the usual "Alcohol-induced coma" that some (ehem) often self-inflict after a break-up, post break-ups are always nasty and it usually takes months to recover. They involve a lot of issues and a lot of head ache (usually caused by a hang over lol). Kidding aside, people have their own way of coping, it doesn't matter if you were the dumper or dumpee. You undergo a lot of self-searching and adjustments in that period of time after just getting out of one and the duration usually depends on the length of your former relationship especially if you were in a very long relationship that lasted for years.
Of course, speaking of post-break up eras, people cope depending on the reason they broke up. If there was a third party involved, then you would certainly be dealing with more issues which are more on your level of security with yourself if you were the dumpee. Questions like, "What's wrong with me? What was my fault? Why did he/she replace me? Am I ugly? Am I fat? Was I not good enough?" keep coming back in your head. For the Dumper side who has found someone else, don't expect them to be hung up over you. They have moved on and so should you. That's the reason why they chose someone else in the first place. Of course, I'm not saying there is no adjustments on the Dumper's side. Dumpers who chose another over their current relationship usually deal with a different type of adjustment. You were with another one day and another on the next. Of course, you tend to compare both at some point. Even risk that you will notice and regret that the former was better than the next. Either way, it was the choice that Dumpers are entitled to considering that relationships are about mutual agreement.
I know some people who would rather choose to be the one who will get hurt than the one who hurts another and usually they would do things to induce the other person to break up with them. They justify it as "it's awful enough that I fell out of love, I can't bear hurting her/him in the process." I think it's wrong though. If you are in a relationship with someone, be honest with them. They deserve it because they have been with you for so long and it would hurt more if you take it slow with them. Like that song that goes:
"But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie / I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye / I'd rather take a blow at least then IBut I'd rather you be mean than love and lie / I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye / I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know. But baby don't you break my heart slow"
Anyway, if you ask me, I fight for the relationship until the end. I'm the martyr type of girl and as much as I would like to be the DUMPER, I usually end up being the DUMPEE. I think it's better for me to really get over that person if I know he had the guts to hurt me that much. Of course, I'm the type to give second chances but second chances are one too many so if they hurt me again, I think it's bye-bye time. For one thing, I know my worth but I also know relationships are worth fighting for if you still love that person. I would go through heaven and hell for someone I love and I have done so and will keep doing it again since I guess I never learn. :)
Myrick Hilario: Could he be the next Big Thing on Youtube?
A friend of mine gave me the links to his videos and all I can say is he really has talent. I mean he can reach the high-pitch of these songs he's singing. He knows Piano and Guitar as well as far as I can tell. He uses, I suspect, an expensive motion-sensor webcam with automatic zooming capabilities (same as what my mom uses) and home-use karaoke to record his videos.(which oftentimes release a very annoying head-splitting feedback in his videos) A lot of comments, mix of harsh criticisms and praises flooded his videos. Mostly people condemn him because of diction or physical related. No surprise there, the world is harsh and you can never please everybody especially Pinoys who are picky with how fellow Pinoys pronounce English and Tagalog. I think we are entitled to our own opinion, as Voltaire has said, "I may not agree with what you are saying but I will fight to the death your right to say it". With that, this is mine:
So what if he has a not-american-english diction? It's normal if you don't speak English as a first language. He is Pinoy and being Pinoy means you speak a first language which is your local dialect and second language which is, supposedly, Tagalog and English would come in a close third language for most. I say "supposedly" because if you're like me, I don't speak Tagalog quite well as compared to English. It's just like how some English native-speakers (like American or British) have difficulty in speaking and pronouncing French to cite an example. Each local Philippine dialect (which is roughly around 154) has it's own intonation and diction, it's part of our culture. Hey, I used to work for a call-center and Americans oftentimes say I sound like from the Mainland US, so, I think I can say I have excellent conversational English-speaking skills but I do have my occasional slip ups like pronouncing independent as "endependent" or high heels as "high hills" or "chicks flick" instead of chick flicks. (Yes, I openly admit I'm only human.:P)
If you listen carefully he can really hit those high notes, even my boyfriend, who is a well-known local DJ,(ehem) has difficulty in reaching in Karaoke. lol haha (peace lau) Myrick Hilario sounds like April Boy to me who is now a famous singer. Myrick Hilario has defiled the norms and shared to the world his talent and not everyone can do that. Yes, because of what he did, he should also be prepared for the criticisms and if I were him I would take it as a challenge, probably take English diction and grammar lessons and voice lessons or someone out there could recognize his talent and probably sponsor him some lessons. Who knows? It's up to his "diskarte" and luck how he will do that as long as he does what he has an absolute right to be doing. Like I said we have our constitutional right of freedom of expression. He is slowly becoming an online celebrity with views from his videos ranging from 2,000-7,000 views each , peaking suddenly in the past few months. Myrick Hilario, I salute you and I support you. :) If ever you get an ABS-CBN News or GMA News interview for the views you garnered in youtube, hope you know that some where on the south side, someone blogged about you. aja!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Scars of the heart
I got burned because of riding a Habal-Habal last Sunday and the way it's healing right now, I could see that it's going to leave a very ugly scar later on. So I asked my aunt and Lola for something that could help me with the scar. As expected, they recommended an old remedy, by using Sebo de Macho or Mantika de Cacao. It's supposedly an effective and cheap method to lighten up scars but you have to apply it when the scar is still fresh and religiously every morning and every night. I used to apply this before for my old scars but the thing is I have to keep it refrigerated or else the oil will eventually lose it's sebum state and it will spill all over the place if you open it accidentally and that's the part I hated. Still in order to lighten up the scar, I guess I have to settle with this instead of the more expensive creams out there. If anyone could donate, I would probably be very happy. Lol!
An idea came up when I was applying it earlier. Is there an effective scar remover for the heart? Or at least something potent enough to lighten up the hurt and bitterness you felt because of the wounds you garnered because of giving your heart away? I would definitely get one no matter how expensive. Sadly there is no such thing and there are no wounds in my heart. Maybe something is in there that's healing but it certainly is not a wound. Maybe like a runner, my heart just got tired and is resting its sore muscles, massaging it until it's ready for another marathon. Nonetheless, I thank God for all I have ever experienced. They taught me well. I believe he has reasons for everything and regret is his way of telling me to appreciate people more who has come into my life and went. Whether it be old friends and lovers, whether it's old and new acquaintances, or whether they be important or not, I know I can learn from each and everyone of them. Next time I know better than to burn bridges.
An idea came up when I was applying it earlier. Is there an effective scar remover for the heart? Or at least something potent enough to lighten up the hurt and bitterness you felt because of the wounds you garnered because of giving your heart away? I would definitely get one no matter how expensive. Sadly there is no such thing and there are no wounds in my heart. Maybe something is in there that's healing but it certainly is not a wound. Maybe like a runner, my heart just got tired and is resting its sore muscles, massaging it until it's ready for another marathon. Nonetheless, I thank God for all I have ever experienced. They taught me well. I believe he has reasons for everything and regret is his way of telling me to appreciate people more who has come into my life and went. Whether it be old friends and lovers, whether it's old and new acquaintances, or whether they be important or not, I know I can learn from each and everyone of them. Next time I know better than to burn bridges.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Tattoos: Art from pain..
Image by theleetgeeks via FlickrSpeaking of Tattoos, I've been wanting to get inked lately. I have a very small one but it's very easy to hide. I liked tattoos since way before but tattoos are often considered as a taboo in Philippine society, it being associated to criminals and prostitutes, so it's hard for me to fully decide to get a big one. I'm a law student but art has always been my passion even though I never took up the course. I don't like tattoos because my friends have one, neither do I want to get one to show it off. I want one because of my own viewing pleasure. I have friends who are tattoo artists, some of them are good while some are quite talented. Of course, the more talented and known your artist is the more expensive he is. I could just imagine the talent fee of Kat Von D, a session with her probably costs thousands of dollars. If I get one, I'd rather make sure I get a quality one and that means expense. One good thing about friends who are talented tattoo artists, some are willing to do it for free.hahaha Still, if I am sure my mom can't say anything against me for getting one in a time I get my own job and stop schooling, that is the time I will get a tattoo. I don't mind dealing with taboo and I don't mind the pain, for me art is art, and it's my own self-expression even if for now, I hide it from the world.
HOW VAIN ARE YOU?
That's another question that got my head head wondering. How far have you gone or would you go for the sake of vanity? Beauty is subjective and men and women all over the world would do all kinds of things depending upon their culture and what's "IN" just to satisfy their need to satisfy their outer beauty to please people of the opposite sex or just for the sex of their own viewing pleasure. They either take dangerous illegal drugs that promotes cancer or go under the knife to materially alter their appearance through surgical means. In the Philippines, getting white and getting thin is what's getting everyone into a craze. Products containing hydroquinone , mercury or steroids are invading our grocery stores and is a must have in almost every woman's kikay kit. These active ingredients has been proven to promote skin cancer, breast cancer and mental retardation in children. Diet pills, diet teas, diet sodas and almost anything that contains the word "Diet" is also hitting the market like a storm. More often than not, they contain Aspartame which is a sugar substitute but it costs cancer as well. Diet pills and teas contain the herd "Senna" which can cost colon cancer.
Surgical modifications are another story and I know most readers here would know already the effect of too much cosmetic surgery. Major Cosmetic Surgery fail!
I read something in the "Mixer" magazine I got from the Killer Bee 92.3 Radio Station my boyfriend works at that women in Jamaica have something the complete opposite going on for them. Instead of getting thin, they concentrate in getting as "FAT" as possible. Being fat there is associated to status, fame and money and because they are usually poor and unemployed there, if you're fat you're considered to be someone who is able to feed yourself. So instead of Diet Pills, they have "FOWL PILLS" or pills used to feed livestock that contain both testosterone and proestrogen hormones to fatten them up. They consider a 5'9" women there weighing about 190 Lbs. to be thin so they have to be fat or else no man would ever take interest in them. Fowl pills can cause a lot of side-effects because it is not intended to be used for humans. What's worst is that it can cause breast cancer. But their women risk it at the same time as most Filipinas would risk getting their skin burned by bleaching, anorexic and bullemic by not having proper eating habits and getting breast and colon cancer by drinking all those diet teas and pills. I remember back then when the infamous "Bangkok Pills" were still very popular. It was declared illegal right away but somehow, everyone was able to get their hands on it including my aunt. She kept drinking them despite of all the warnings we gave her. She almost fainted one time and that's when she stopped.
I think there's nothing wrong if you want to make yourself more beautiful and attractive. God knows I have my own regimen as well but I think being beautiful and skinny or FAT, if you live in Jamaica, would be "moot and academic" if you're dead or going to be dead. I also believe doing it to find love is not an entirely bad thing but if it's love, he/she shouldn't mind right if you're white, black, thin or fat as long as you're crazy for each other. There are better alternatives out there like proper diet and exercise. It's a slow process but it works minus the cancer.
Anyway, especially women who might read this. Beauty is nothing if you're bitchy. So I believe we should start with inner beauty first. No matter the dress size, there's nothing more sexy than self-confidence and a woman that a man knows is independent and knows how to handle things well for herself. It means for him, the makings of a good mother and wife. Take it from me. ;)
Surgical modifications are another story and I know most readers here would know already the effect of too much cosmetic surgery. Major Cosmetic Surgery fail!
I read something in the "Mixer" magazine I got from the Killer Bee 92.3 Radio Station my boyfriend works at that women in Jamaica have something the complete opposite going on for them. Instead of getting thin, they concentrate in getting as "FAT" as possible. Being fat there is associated to status, fame and money and because they are usually poor and unemployed there, if you're fat you're considered to be someone who is able to feed yourself. So instead of Diet Pills, they have "FOWL PILLS" or pills used to feed livestock that contain both testosterone and proestrogen hormones to fatten them up. They consider a 5'9" women there weighing about 190 Lbs. to be thin so they have to be fat or else no man would ever take interest in them. Fowl pills can cause a lot of side-effects because it is not intended to be used for humans. What's worst is that it can cause breast cancer. But their women risk it at the same time as most Filipinas would risk getting their skin burned by bleaching, anorexic and bullemic by not having proper eating habits and getting breast and colon cancer by drinking all those diet teas and pills. I remember back then when the infamous "Bangkok Pills" were still very popular. It was declared illegal right away but somehow, everyone was able to get their hands on it including my aunt. She kept drinking them despite of all the warnings we gave her. She almost fainted one time and that's when she stopped.
I think there's nothing wrong if you want to make yourself more beautiful and attractive. God knows I have my own regimen as well but I think being beautiful and skinny or FAT, if you live in Jamaica, would be "moot and academic" if you're dead or going to be dead. I also believe doing it to find love is not an entirely bad thing but if it's love, he/she shouldn't mind right if you're white, black, thin or fat as long as you're crazy for each other. There are better alternatives out there like proper diet and exercise. It's a slow process but it works minus the cancer.
Anyway, especially women who might read this. Beauty is nothing if you're bitchy. So I believe we should start with inner beauty first. No matter the dress size, there's nothing more sexy than self-confidence and a woman that a man knows is independent and knows how to handle things well for herself. It means for him, the makings of a good mother and wife. Take it from me. ;)
When choosing a job, what would you prefer, Happiness or the salary?
I think I would prefer the job giving the higher paying salary. If I have the money, it would definitely make me happy! Aside from being able to buy and shop all the things, clothes and shoes that I want, I have more money to spend on my family like take them out to dinner or buying my parents, especially my mom, a lot of things just to give them something in return or all the years they subjected me to the "Ma and Pa Scholarship Foundation Fund." Hahaha:D I can understand why college level-graduates would choose to work in call-centers or medical representatives for medical companies considering that they often pay more than P15,000.00+ salary and throw in a car while they are at it. The down side is, you work on holidays and during night time. It defeats the whole purpose of spending time with your family, since you will hardly get to see them.
But thinking over the question again in my head. I think my choice would depend on the situation. I mean, A higher-paying for me being single does not necessarily mean it's quite enough if I have a family. Let's say two kids and a husband. Though, a couple would share the expenses a join salary of P30,000 a month usually is not enough. You know, with the bills, food and kids matriculation and allowance and other necessary expenses for any one to survive. While looking at the practical side of things I can also look at it the other way. Yeah, I have all that money and I am stable but do I wake up happy or bitter? Do I still have my family with me after all that or have they not yet left me? Do I still have my pride intact or have I sold it to my tyrannical boss? Well I guess the best way for me right now is to go look at joining the academe again.
But thinking over the question again in my head. I think my choice would depend on the situation. I mean, A higher-paying for me being single does not necessarily mean it's quite enough if I have a family. Let's say two kids and a husband. Though, a couple would share the expenses a join salary of P30,000 a month usually is not enough. You know, with the bills, food and kids matriculation and allowance and other necessary expenses for any one to survive. While looking at the practical side of things I can also look at it the other way. Yeah, I have all that money and I am stable but do I wake up happy or bitter? Do I still have my family with me after all that or have they not yet left me? Do I still have my pride intact or have I sold it to my tyrannical boss? Well I guess the best way for me right now is to go look at joining the academe again.
You've changed..(What if your partner changed? or did they?)
People often accuse each other of “changing” in a lot of relationships. I’ve been thinking… do people really change? Or is it that we never actually knew the person to start with?
I think both of these are plausible explanations, but they are extreme explanations. Radical personality changes mostly happen in case of traumatic/life-altering experiences. It is the exception rather than the rule. Similarly, most of us do have a good idea of how the other person is when we kick off a new relationship (assuming there are no lies and deceptions of course).
It seems to me that two things happen when we begin a relationship… first of all, we project our ideal onto that person, we sort of “embellish” him/her and tend to focus mostly on his/her qualities and everything s/he’s doing right (and excuse whatever he/she does wrong. Maybe we even think it’s “cute”!). At the same time, that other person is trying to be at his/her best, and employing time and effort to please us and make the relationship work. In other words, both are acting selflessly and giving attention to what’s best in the other.
Then time passes by, and we begin to think more about ourselves. We start picking up on all those occasions when the other fails to meet our expectations. We start to feel like we’re the ones making all the efforts, and we begin to feel frustrated…
Has the other person changed? I don’t think he/she has. There has been no personality change. He/she has simply reverted back to what he/she was before the relationship. And we, on the other hand, have shifted our focus from his/her qualities to his/her flaws. That is what creates the impression of change.
So what do we do then? Well, I’ll leave that one to you as I’m not in a relationship lol
By Dario Li
Source:1
Thursday, August 5, 2010
CAVEAT: Facebook and YM viruses.
Be careful! There's a facebook virus going around lately and it's really inconvenient. It will hack into ur FB account and it will start posting wall messages to your friends and sending SPAM to everyone in your friends list. If you get a message or a wall post that says "I saw your video. How could you do that?" or "check this out xxxxxxxx.blogspot.com", or if you find the post suspicious DON'T CLICK ON THE LINK OR VIDEO, better safe than sorry or delete the message immediately and it would be better if you delete that contact on your list! There's no hope for that account which is infected because their account will continue to send SPAM to you and give you wall post which is very annoying. YM viruses are similarly the same. If your friend, even if it's someone you regularly chat with, suddenly messages you a link that says "Hey is this really you in the pic? www..xxxxx..arb.cvs" or something don't click on that. It's a virus that sends out spam.
PASS AROUND!
PASS AROUND!
How to jailbreak an IPHONE..it's not illegal anymore!!
The knowledge I'm about to share to you is public knowledge. It can be found in various websites and all you need to do is google it. The reason why I'm doing this is to seek revenge on all those people who tried to extort money from me by asking me to pay them 2-2.5k PESOS just to unlock my iphone when the procedure is soooooo simple!!! If you get an IPHONE, this is what you gotta do...
1) Go to blackra1n.com
2) Download the software. It'll automatically install itself. It's free. SO if you paid for that.. you got duped.
3) When the program prompts you to connect your iphone to your computer, do so.
4) Wait for it to do it's magic. Your iphone will display a weird logo, don't worry it's normal.
5) When your iphone finishes rebooting. Disconnect your iphone.
6) Go to the blackra1n icon already installed in your iphone
7) click CYDIA and SNOW. Click install.
8) After your IPHONE reboots congrats!! You just did a jailbreak on your iphone and unlocked it so you use it with all networks! And it didn't cost you anything.
9) DOnate to geohot (the developer) through his website. All major credit cards and paypal is welcomed.
IT IS THAT EASY YOU DON"T EVEN NEED TO BE A COMPUTER GENIUS.
NOTE: DOn't update your software using itunes. But if you do just repeat the whole process.
WARNING: JAILBREAKING AND UNLOCKING your iphone has been outlawed by apple and might risk reducing your iphone into a mere paperweight so I am not assuming any responsibility if you f-up your jailbreaking or unlocking process but those who claims to unlock and jailbreak your phone out there if you pay them thousands of pesos are actually just using the same process too so the risk is the same!
To those people who is trying to extort money from people when they know they did not develop the program for this, SHAME ON YOU! This is your karma. This knowledge is free and should stay free!
1) Go to blackra1n.com
2) Download the software. It'll automatically install itself. It's free. SO if you paid for that.. you got duped.
3) When the program prompts you to connect your iphone to your computer, do so.
4) Wait for it to do it's magic. Your iphone will display a weird logo, don't worry it's normal.
5) When your iphone finishes rebooting. Disconnect your iphone.
6) Go to the blackra1n icon already installed in your iphone
7) click CYDIA and SNOW. Click install.
8) After your IPHONE reboots congrats!! You just did a jailbreak on your iphone and unlocked it so you use it with all networks! And it didn't cost you anything.
9) DOnate to geohot (the developer) through his website. All major credit cards and paypal is welcomed.
IT IS THAT EASY YOU DON"T EVEN NEED TO BE A COMPUTER GENIUS.
NOTE: DOn't update your software using itunes. But if you do just repeat the whole process.
WARNING: JAILBREAKING AND UNLOCKING your iphone has been outlawed by apple and might risk reducing your iphone into a mere paperweight so I am not assuming any responsibility if you f-up your jailbreaking or unlocking process but those who claims to unlock and jailbreak your phone out there if you pay them thousands of pesos are actually just using the same process too so the risk is the same!
To those people who is trying to extort money from people when they know they did not develop the program for this, SHAME ON YOU! This is your karma. This knowledge is free and should stay free!