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Thursday, August 19, 2010

Nagpagawas sa gibati...



Ninduta diay sa feeling tarung na lake ang uyab, murespeto sako pamilya og iya pamilya ganahan pud nako and he has good friends pud nga wa jud libug ug dili mga plastic. Karun pajud ko ani nga feeling nga secure ayu ko, di ko murag naggukod sa lake. I thought I knew what relationships should be but I was wrong. Labay rajud tong sauna. It was all a lie. I thought it was love, I thought it was true love. Pero it was possessive and it was poisonous. It destroyed who I was. What I did, thought and felt all became centered to him. I wasn't me. I hoped it was the same for him but I wasn't even special and I was just one of the "girlfriends", the name after his name. Dakung sayup nganu nisud ko atu in the first place. Ako nlang ta siya gipaminyu atung bayhana to. Aside from nakasala pako, wa pajud ko gipasaylu sa iya mga friends nga plastic. Ang uban pataka pag ingon di sila kita sa ako sacrfices para atu niya. Gikulata pako gikwartahan pako! I feel so angry at myself for allowing him to do that to me. What happy memories? They were all just lies. An illusion. His sick idea of a joke and playing with a 20-year-old girl's heart that last longer than it should. He even forgot when nako gihatag ang iring, tore everything, forgot everything and he just replaced me just like that despite the fact nga ako pinakadugay sa tanan niya uyab. Never even gave me the last minute respect I asked. I just wanted to be left alone to leave as if naa pako pride. Pero No, they wouldn't let me have my peace. They just had to make sure the joke was on me, up until the very end. Di jud diay ka makatell who a person really is even if you've been together for more than 2 years. He had me at my best. Mao karun ako uyab karun ang nagsuffer, usahay awayun nako kay mahadluk nako daghan ayu ko inhibitions because of the scars he left. He got me at my worst but I'm so overwhelmed with gratefulness to my boyfriend run coz before mi nagkauyab og even now uyab na mi, He waited. He waited until mahealed nako. Despite how I pushed him away and hurt him so much, he stayed.  Makaingon jud ko ako pinakaswerte nga babay sa kalibutan..Why did I deserve him? What have I done right to the world to deserve Laurence? God loves me jud. He took the WORST AND gave me the BEST of them....kana gane feeling nga feel nimo guba na imo kalibutan sauna kay murag gihatag pajud nimo ang pinakabati sa tanang bati nga lake, the type gipakita ka og nindut pero ang resulta kay di ra diay to tinuod. labay ra diay to giabusar paka. The feeling you loved so hard to be frustrated that it just felt like bottomless pit of hell only to find out that tinuod jud diay nang "God has something better in store for you." Maghilak ko maghunahuna.. Thankful ayu ko kay gipalangga jud ko sa Ginoo he gave me the greatest blessing. He gave me, True Love and I should forgive myself now apparently God has forgiven me for abusing my heart and body by giving me the man I will marry. This is it. Siya na. I know in my heart di nako mangita og lain pa. Now, All my emotions, Ako na gipagawas. Undang nako! I'm tired of living in the past. I want to move on with God's blessing and be happy and so that is what I will do. Whatever, kinsa mubasa ani wa nako pakialam. Baon na mu sa limot. Goodbye!

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