Why shouldn't gay people get married? What is marriage to us anyway but merely society giving their consent to the union of two people. If the couple is married, the law protects the union and their property and why shouldn't people of the same sex be given such privilege?! They are citizens of this country as well and have given a significant contribution to our economy and they are law-abiding citizens. They're just like every one of us with normal lives. Put it this way: If a person who steals and kills loves someone of the opposite sex, they are allowed to get married but a person who abides by the law and in fact, wants the law to recognize them, yet wants to marry the same sex, they can't and shouldn't.
Just because religion does not approve of it nor can they have the ability to procreate, the state must give equality before the eyes of the law. There is no substantial distinction between a gay couple and a heterosexual couple aside from religious reasons. Is it immoral to fall inlove? Is it immoral to want to spend the rest of your life with someone in marriage? And to Manny Pacquaio, please ask yourself, why does it shock your conscience to see two men or women kissing each other or even get married and is perfectly fine with you to clobber your opponent on International TV and people are actually paying you to do that?! They're not hurting anybody. God created all of us equal. God created only man and woman and made them especially for eachother but he didn't say a woman shouldn't be for woman and man shouldn't be for man if they chose to.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
A chat with my first love..
#fb had a short yet interesting chat with someone earlier. Gosh can't believe my first love is married and has a kid. Amazing how I used to be so in love with him at that time I thought letting him go was the hardest thing I ever did. Now, hearing him having his dreams of a family and a girl who'll hold him down came true I'm just so happy for him. Three important things I learned from him currently 1) saying good bye is easy letting go is hard, 2) time will heal the wounds and it starts with letting go and 3) you know you are completely over someone when they no longer have the ability to hurt you but what remains only is the familiarity of still knowing each other intimately yet without all the drama anymore. If there is hate, there is still love. If there is still that invisible wall that makes them different from how you treat others, there is still some feeling there. I thought about looking back and regretting some of the wrong things I've done during that relationship but he was right when he said I shouldn't because he thinks I was God's gift to him and that I was the right girl in the wrong time for him. I don't know if it's true, maybe he was just patronizing me but I liked the idea at the same time I felt blessed! When you've spent a long time with someone because you have strong feelings for them and you manage to preserve the friendship even after a long time they were gone from your life, then you've found gold and that was what he was to me, my precious gold. What I loved about him was that he never disrespected me. He was honest and he was just someone I never had any complaints with. He was a gentleman and he was just my first love literally. In short, he was the one guy who breaks your heart yet made it stronger. I call it "the first love magic" and I don't know how to explain it beyond that. I think it's because he never really disappeared even though he has this nasty habit of being absent for a looong time! Years even! One thing is for sure, the first love magic took years for me to feel it's effects. I don't know what was with him, why he was still very nice to me though I may just be "just another one of his ex-girlfriends" for him, why he would still bother being my friend even after the relationship was over and not just any friend mind you but he is still a very close friend. I thought about all this then I stopped over analyzing and just said to my self "Yep, that's one ex I will never regret loving". It got me to thinking again, every girl who has ever had a relationship will always look back at that relationship and will probably forget all the memories they ever shared. What remains is you remember how they made you feel. There are those, like him, whom you never really got rid of from your life because they made you light and happy. There are those whom removing them from your life was the best decision you ever made because all they gave you was headache, betrayal and heartache. There are those, a girl looks back to and says "what if". I've had my fair share of those, mind you! (hahaha) Love? I don't know if it's for me at this point in time. I sadly don't want to prioritize it. I still have something important to accomplish though I miss having that giddy feeling of being with someone you love and loves you back I'm not planning to get that old feeling back soon. I guess if there is an addiction, for me, that is my heroine. However, I will say this and mean it: I like singlehood. It doesn't mean I'm saying No to all relationships. I'm just saying I now want to be with the person that I am 100% who will give himself fully to me as I will for him coz I think I've proven twice already that when I love, I never gave any reservations to myself. I'm always going to be the "easy girlfriend" where a guy never will have to worry about me because I'm the easiest to love. I'll love even to the point of being destroyed to an almost impossibility of repair. Some think me crazy yet I still believe it is the right way to go. That is why I don't want to jump into the next opportunity that comes my way. I want something sensual, passionate, consuming and most of all lasting this time and I think I want to wait for fireworks not just sparks. Have I grown? I'll only know in time. For now, love and life will just have to wait for me in November then in the years to come. I need to fulfill my dreams first then think about dating and continue my search for Mr. Committed later. (Lol) Oh well. Good luck to me. I'm still hopeful about it. I thank God I'm still young and I still have an opportunity to correct my mistakes and change myself for the better that I didn't get stuck in a situation that I feel like I don't have a way out of. Going back to my handsome ex, I'm genuinely happy for him and is only jealous as to wanting to feel that way as well... someday. I think it will be nice to say "I do" to someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. I don't know if I'm mature enough for that but I know I will be. For now, I still have a lot to fix and do I'm far from getting there. I told him this and he gave me the best line a first love magic can only give you and you'll believe it, "I know you won't be alone. God will find a way for you. Just sit back and relax". Hahaha Thank you for the chat, Jok! When did you become so mature?Since it's you I'll take it from your experience. til next time. :D
Friday, May 4, 2012
Stages of moving on..
Have you ever experienced a heartbreak? Have you ever lost someone you love? Do you love someone who does not love you back? Did you just get betrayed?
Being hurt is natural. If the person meant a lot for you and then suddenly they leave you h anging of course, you get confused and the first instinct that comes to you is to fight for the relationship. At times, yes, fighting for it will work but if the other party has made up their mind or worse they have found someone else to replace you, this will open you to a lot more feelings you never thought you would ever experience. You can never tell your reaction during that moment. Even the best ones fall when it comes to love and moving on is as hard as not breathing. Trust me, I've been there and I'm still there. If there is love, unfortunately, there is no easy way to get rid of your feelings of them. You probably are wishing now to forget everything because the pain is unbearable.
Well, you know what? You are not alone.
No matter, how much you think your situation is different from the rest of us, think again, being hurt, heartbreak and pain, everyone has undergone it and everyone has a story to tell. Most lived through it, some never got over it, some chose to end their lives because of this and that's what I made this blog for. To help anyone who is experiencing these things and don't know how to move on.
A friend of mind showed me this blog http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/ and it talks about the stages of loss and grief. The blog is applicable to those who lost their loved ones to death.
I have my own version on steps for moving on when it comes to heartbreak. Either because of a third party or your partner just left you because they "fell out" or you broke up with them for one reason or another, these stages are essential to moving on. So if you are still in a particular stage in your opinion, then do not worry, you are moving on. It's part of the process.
Stage 1: Denial Stage
In this stage, people react differently. Others would pursue the other person believing there is still hope even if they left them behind. They would offer their love "for free" hoping the other party would eventually realize they are the best people who will love them and come back to them eventually. Those who were the dumpers would pretend the other party never existed to a point of complete indifference. They ignore the other party, not even try to look at their pictures or any of their social media accounts. Usually the dumpers, don't want to excessively entangle themselves with the dumpee but sometimes since they are usually the pursued, they don't want to tell the dumpee off, enjoying the familiar company of the other party still but don't want to commit to them anymore.
The denial stage is the first stage. Some undergo this for the weeks and some months and rarely, years. The main reason why it takes them so long to pass through this stage is because of the lack of realization they are in denial. They don't want to accept it's over or rather they want it over too soon.
Stage 2: Bargaining Stage
"I should have done this..."
"I could've done better.."
"If ever she/he comes back to me I will/I will never..."
If you ever had these thoughts or anything of the same note, then you are in the bargaining stage. Some would even try to bargain with God, by going to church to pray and petition the other partner to come back and pledge to be a better Christian or whatever religion they belong to. The bargaining stage is the one where you start laying with fate. That you try to look back in the past and try to undo it by making it up for the future. Some would do things like give flowers because they never used to give flowers before when they were still in a relationship. Some would kill themselves with regret blaming themselves for their inadequacies that cause the other partner to leave. Those who were the dumpers would pursue flings and vices that they never got to do while they were in a relationship. They do everything to take their minds off the other party, whom they left behind. They act like they just got "out of the cage".
The bargaining stage is the stage where you want to pursue different and new things which you think might or could have changed the relationship.
Stage 3: Grief Stage
This stage is the time when you are finally realizing the other party is never coming back and the relationship is truly over. You start mourning for it and drown yourself in tears. Especially when you finally realize that there has already been a physical separation between the two of you as compared to before that you used to see each other every other day. Both dumpers and dumpees experience this. Of course, the person was always with you and they became a part of your day, suddenly their absence overwhelms you and you realize you have a lot of time in your hands.
If you are in the grief stage, the void is usually filled with time spent not alone. You want to constantly hang out with your friends. Some drown themselves in work.
The first two stages usually are a cycle. The grief stage is the key to proceeding to the next step. If the person never stopped to grieve for the lost relationship or the lost loved one, they might find themselves back in the denial and bargaining stage. So allow yourself to cry, allow yourself to feel the pain and allow yourself to let it all out and do not deny yourself comfort. Whether in the arms of your friends or family, grief is the most essential stage one should go through.
Stage 4: Anger Stage
Do not confuse the anger stage as the stage when you felt angry right after your breakup. The anger stage is when you truly realize your pain is unwarranted. That you finally realize you've done everything for the relationship and you didn't deserve to be left or didn't deserve to have to break up with them for one reason or another. Of course, you entered in a relationship because you wanted it to last but because of the other partner it didn't. The anger stage is important, allow yourself to be angry at the other person. They hurt you and you love yourself so it's natural to protect yourself from the pain. When someone slaps you or punches you, you get hurt right and you get angry at them for doing so. If you have already started valuing yourself more than the other person, then be angry at them. Do anything to let anger out. The theory is the nearer the time you broke up then the more you are entitled to be angry at them. It's only because they hurt yoou that you are angry at them. Don't worry, anger will pass eventually.
The anger stage usually last for a short period of time. If you are angry at that person let them know. It feels good to let it out, no matter the consequence, let them know how hurt you are and how angry you are at them. Tell them you hate them even if you don't really do, shout at them, scream at them, send them hate texts or mail. I would recommend personal time if you can get them to meet you. The more you let it out, the better you feel later.
Stage 5: Acceptance Stage
When you have finally accepted the loss of the relationship, you won't have any more feelings towards this person. The acceptance stage comes very slow depending on how fast or how slow you underwent the stages if ever you allowed yourself to undergo the stages. For a lot of people, the acceptance stages is proportional to the time you had a relationship with the person. Which means, the longer you were in a relationship with the person, the longer the tie you need to accept that they are gone from your life. Usually married couples who got separated will have a hard time accepting the end of the marriage and still fight ever now and then especially when they still have too communicate every now and then regarding affairs that got intertwined because of the marriage like the kids, house and bills. Remember if two people still fight, they still have that familiarity with each other and never truly accepted the loss of the relationship as they haven't cut off that feeling yet. If truly, you have accepted the end of the relationship, both parties will no longer want to engaged in fighting and treat eachother cordially. If you are still indifferent and angry with your ex and/or still treat them differently among other people in your life, you are still not over them.
To move on, you have to completely let go which means no communication with your ex and if you still are, you no longer try to analyze every message and call, no more trying to analyze why you broke up, no longer trying to make each other miserable, no more feelings towards your ex except the fact that they were a part of your life and you can no longer change that. Acceptance is allowing yourself to be happy which may orr may not mean finding a new love. I always recommend (but don't usually follow my own advice) that people should stay single for a long time after the relationship, not because you are not over your ex, but allow yourself to get rid of the baggage or else your next partner will suffer. Allow yourself to undergo these stages of moving on. Its when you make that first step and decide for yourself will you truly be able to stop the pain faster and get through it faster.
Being hurt is natural. If the person meant a lot for you and then suddenly they leave you h anging of course, you get confused and the first instinct that comes to you is to fight for the relationship. At times, yes, fighting for it will work but if the other party has made up their mind or worse they have found someone else to replace you, this will open you to a lot more feelings you never thought you would ever experience. You can never tell your reaction during that moment. Even the best ones fall when it comes to love and moving on is as hard as not breathing. Trust me, I've been there and I'm still there. If there is love, unfortunately, there is no easy way to get rid of your feelings of them. You probably are wishing now to forget everything because the pain is unbearable.
Well, you know what? You are not alone.
No matter, how much you think your situation is different from the rest of us, think again, being hurt, heartbreak and pain, everyone has undergone it and everyone has a story to tell. Most lived through it, some never got over it, some chose to end their lives because of this and that's what I made this blog for. To help anyone who is experiencing these things and don't know how to move on.
A friend of mind showed me this blog http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/ and it talks about the stages of loss and grief. The blog is applicable to those who lost their loved ones to death.
I have my own version on steps for moving on when it comes to heartbreak. Either because of a third party or your partner just left you because they "fell out" or you broke up with them for one reason or another, these stages are essential to moving on. So if you are still in a particular stage in your opinion, then do not worry, you are moving on. It's part of the process.
Stage 1: Denial Stage
In this stage, people react differently. Others would pursue the other person believing there is still hope even if they left them behind. They would offer their love "for free" hoping the other party would eventually realize they are the best people who will love them and come back to them eventually. Those who were the dumpers would pretend the other party never existed to a point of complete indifference. They ignore the other party, not even try to look at their pictures or any of their social media accounts. Usually the dumpers, don't want to excessively entangle themselves with the dumpee but sometimes since they are usually the pursued, they don't want to tell the dumpee off, enjoying the familiar company of the other party still but don't want to commit to them anymore.
The denial stage is the first stage. Some undergo this for the weeks and some months and rarely, years. The main reason why it takes them so long to pass through this stage is because of the lack of realization they are in denial. They don't want to accept it's over or rather they want it over too soon.
Stage 2: Bargaining Stage
"I should have done this..."
"I could've done better.."
"If ever she/he comes back to me I will/I will never..."
If you ever had these thoughts or anything of the same note, then you are in the bargaining stage. Some would even try to bargain with God, by going to church to pray and petition the other partner to come back and pledge to be a better Christian or whatever religion they belong to. The bargaining stage is the one where you start laying with fate. That you try to look back in the past and try to undo it by making it up for the future. Some would do things like give flowers because they never used to give flowers before when they were still in a relationship. Some would kill themselves with regret blaming themselves for their inadequacies that cause the other partner to leave. Those who were the dumpers would pursue flings and vices that they never got to do while they were in a relationship. They do everything to take their minds off the other party, whom they left behind. They act like they just got "out of the cage".
The bargaining stage is the stage where you want to pursue different and new things which you think might or could have changed the relationship.
Stage 3: Grief Stage
This stage is the time when you are finally realizing the other party is never coming back and the relationship is truly over. You start mourning for it and drown yourself in tears. Especially when you finally realize that there has already been a physical separation between the two of you as compared to before that you used to see each other every other day. Both dumpers and dumpees experience this. Of course, the person was always with you and they became a part of your day, suddenly their absence overwhelms you and you realize you have a lot of time in your hands.
If you are in the grief stage, the void is usually filled with time spent not alone. You want to constantly hang out with your friends. Some drown themselves in work.
The first two stages usually are a cycle. The grief stage is the key to proceeding to the next step. If the person never stopped to grieve for the lost relationship or the lost loved one, they might find themselves back in the denial and bargaining stage. So allow yourself to cry, allow yourself to feel the pain and allow yourself to let it all out and do not deny yourself comfort. Whether in the arms of your friends or family, grief is the most essential stage one should go through.
Stage 4: Anger Stage
Do not confuse the anger stage as the stage when you felt angry right after your breakup. The anger stage is when you truly realize your pain is unwarranted. That you finally realize you've done everything for the relationship and you didn't deserve to be left or didn't deserve to have to break up with them for one reason or another. Of course, you entered in a relationship because you wanted it to last but because of the other partner it didn't. The anger stage is important, allow yourself to be angry at the other person. They hurt you and you love yourself so it's natural to protect yourself from the pain. When someone slaps you or punches you, you get hurt right and you get angry at them for doing so. If you have already started valuing yourself more than the other person, then be angry at them. Do anything to let anger out. The theory is the nearer the time you broke up then the more you are entitled to be angry at them. It's only because they hurt yoou that you are angry at them. Don't worry, anger will pass eventually.
The anger stage usually last for a short period of time. If you are angry at that person let them know. It feels good to let it out, no matter the consequence, let them know how hurt you are and how angry you are at them. Tell them you hate them even if you don't really do, shout at them, scream at them, send them hate texts or mail. I would recommend personal time if you can get them to meet you. The more you let it out, the better you feel later.
Stage 5: Acceptance Stage
When you have finally accepted the loss of the relationship, you won't have any more feelings towards this person. The acceptance stage comes very slow depending on how fast or how slow you underwent the stages if ever you allowed yourself to undergo the stages. For a lot of people, the acceptance stages is proportional to the time you had a relationship with the person. Which means, the longer you were in a relationship with the person, the longer the tie you need to accept that they are gone from your life. Usually married couples who got separated will have a hard time accepting the end of the marriage and still fight ever now and then especially when they still have too communicate every now and then regarding affairs that got intertwined because of the marriage like the kids, house and bills. Remember if two people still fight, they still have that familiarity with each other and never truly accepted the loss of the relationship as they haven't cut off that feeling yet. If truly, you have accepted the end of the relationship, both parties will no longer want to engaged in fighting and treat eachother cordially. If you are still indifferent and angry with your ex and/or still treat them differently among other people in your life, you are still not over them.
To move on, you have to completely let go which means no communication with your ex and if you still are, you no longer try to analyze every message and call, no more trying to analyze why you broke up, no longer trying to make each other miserable, no more feelings towards your ex except the fact that they were a part of your life and you can no longer change that. Acceptance is allowing yourself to be happy which may orr may not mean finding a new love. I always recommend (but don't usually follow my own advice) that people should stay single for a long time after the relationship, not because you are not over your ex, but allow yourself to get rid of the baggage or else your next partner will suffer. Allow yourself to undergo these stages of moving on. Its when you make that first step and decide for yourself will you truly be able to stop the pain faster and get through it faster.
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