Friday, September 3, 2010

Loving someone who brings out the worst in you...

If you're like me when it comes to relationships then probably you've dated a lot and I have dated a lot. I met guys in all the wrong and all the right places and have regretted most of them but a selected few I can actually say meeting them was a pleasant experience. Some made me feel like summer, some made me feel like hang over, some guys were just there for experience, some were just plain there. I don't deny the fact that I fall easily probably it's because I do believe the one for me is out there maybe I've found him now but I don't want to expect too much at this point. Things change but that's not what I want to blog about. I want to blog about people who bring out the worst in you. As my friend terms it, "Loving a monster".
It's human nature for us to show our best side especially when we are with people we just met. It happens when you are dating this cute guy or girl the first time. You make sure they find you as interesting as you want them to think and make sure that you always have a "good time". However, I think most would agree with me that once you are in a relationship with this person, you enter in to that level in the relationship where you're too comfortable with each other that the barriers and inhibitions are gone. You start showing the real you, you start voicing out your opinions more, disagree with them more and even fart in front of them. Imagine yourself in the position of the other person. She/ He is saying to him'herself "What happened? Who is this person? This is not who I went into a relationship with. Why doesn't he open the door anymore? Why doesn't she sleep with me more? Why are we arguing more?Etc." Well reality check, either they lost interest or that's who they really are. We know this ourselves that once you just let go of your best side, your real side shows up and that other person might not like it. Hence, that's mostly the reason why relationships fall apart and lovers tend to grow apart.
So how do we know? We don't. Being in a relationship means you are joining another person, another human being, who grew up differently from you, who has a different life and thinking, into your life. You can't always make them adjust to you because they can't always make you adjust to them. You know very well who you are. Marriages work because they live in the same house, eventually their lives will intertwine and things are easier to accept. On the other hand, marriages fall apart because no one in the relationship will accept reality and wants to stick to the "ideal" (e.i. the time when she wasn't this fat, the time when he wasn't bald, the time when we used to have a lot of fun now, we're just boring, the time when we had money, etc.)
So what we need to do is throw away those idealistic views about someone and a relationship and accept them as  they are. Being in a commitment means you are there even if it is not your comfort zone anymore. If you really can't take it anymore, be honest at least and leave the other party in peace, hurting yes, but in peace.
The worst of it is when you fall for someone who just gives you that love-hate type of relationship which probably most will not understand. My advice, let them go. They don't deserve you at your worst, when they were only with you at your best. I say that because at your worst, is the time you will grow, is that best time in a person's life to change and be transformed. After that, whoever stayed, is the one who is for you. However, a caveat if you may: Never do anything you know you would never do later on if you had not felt that way. Remember, any love, hate, anger, bitterness or happiness that you will feel right now will pass but the regret will last a lifetime.


  1. I know this blog of yours is old. Thank you for your words of honesty. A piece I wanted to write to vent out loud and instead just the words I needed to relax for the next few hours.

    1. Thanks for the comment:) yeah this post comes from the heart